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Starfish on Beach

Searching for Starfish

By SALTY Admin

Posted in

Interview and write-up by Jenelle Campos

Teacher, Photographer, Wife, Mother…Nikki Clowers is a dominating superwoman in her own right. Her down to earth Texan roots is what grounds her, and everyone she comes in contact with is automatically taken back by her joyful and humble spirit, all in which she gives credit to the Lord. “My relationship with Christ has literally shaped my life.“  This passionate mom of two has had her share of trials, and the outcome is a true testament of the Lord grace in her life.

“There was no time frame of good, bad, easy, or hard…it was a rollercoaster, and I felt so broken”. Nikki boldly opened up about how she felt when she divorced her husband and the father of her two daughters, Reagan and Ryann, 2 years ago.  “I felt like I was wondering around without him. I had been apart of something for 11 years [then it ended]. I felt like I had to present myself as a strong woman, but it was so hard raising my girls alone, and what hurt the most was knowing that they were missing out on a phenomenal dad, and that he’d be missing out on them as well. I dealt with that guilt daily.”

After days and weeks of feeling heartbroken, Nikki knew she needed a change.

A close friend of hers encouraged her to attend a life enrichment boot camp by founders Jim Carroll and Dr. Phil that is hosted near her hometown in Plano, Texas. “ I was so angry with god-since my childhood. The death of my dad as a child, my mom being abused by her step-father, my divorce…I didn’t know where all my emotions came from. I thought I was strong but I was a wreck and I felt like I couldn’t forgive myself. But I knew I had to because god forgave me. It was the first time I accepted where I was, and I walked out of that placed a different person.”

Starfish WeddingSoon Nikki’s relationship with Christ began to blossom. She was coming into her own. Not only did her life begin to change for the better but her relationship with her daughters as well. She also began to pray for her ex husband, Kelsey. As all had gotten better, their youngest daughter Ryann became ill and had to be admitted into the hospital for a few days. Little did they know, the Lord would use that time to mend their family back together. She mentioned what those days were like, “After reminiscing and talking so much in the hospital, Kelsey told me, “I wanna date you and be surround by you again”. Kelsey and Nikki eventually remarried soon after, on their original anniversary date, and they were expecting a baby. In the midst of the Clowers’ celebrating their restoration and new addition to their family, their joy soon turned to sorrow.

Nikki had soon suffered a miscarriage and decided to go through with the process naturally. She explained how difficult it was for her personally, having feelings of being alone in the process, experiencing agonizing pain and sleepless nights. “One night while I was in bed, I was experiencing contractions, and the worst physical pain. I begged god to take the pain away. I then felt this warmness as Kelsey began to hold me, but when I turned around, his back was towards me…I literally felt Jesus holding me, and I thought it was Kelsey the whole time. It was such an out of body experience. Soon the pain faded away, and I fell asleep.”

After months of recovery and prayer, Nikki and her husband mutually agreed to adopt. The search for “baby clowers three” has definitely brought the family closer, and has enhanced their faith. Now she spends much of her time working within the adoption ministry at ‘The Church of Eleven22’, located in Jacksonville, Fl. “I now feel like my miscarriage was the biggest blessing because I wouldn’t be apart of a beautiful adoption ministry had I not lost my baby. I would have no reason to be hungry or a desire to be helpful.” The family has gained great support on their social media accounts, going by the name ‘Searching For Our Starfish’ which is inspired by the Joel Barker poem, “Starfish Thrower”.

When Nikki was asked what does being Salty mean to her, she replied, “I think it’s being eager to be gods hands and feet in every way that we’re called. We all have such a different calling, and we’re all flawed by default, but that doesn’t mean that god doesn’t want us doing his work.”

I’m sure the Lord is very proud of her works and unfailing faith.

Starfish Family

 

To Support the Clowers Family Adoption & Their Journey:

Like Them on Facebook: www.facebook.com/starfishsearch

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About The SALTY Admin

Artistic media brand speaking on sex, success, style, and spirituality. We serve up fresh doses of art, music, design, and other cultural innovations that are IN, BUT NOT OF.

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